Cherished Life Experience Pearls

The Methodist Federation for Social Action shared this post on Facebook:

Love Thy Neighbor
Thy Homeless Neighbor
Thy Muslim Neighbor
Thy Black Neighbor
Thy Gay Neighbor
Thy White Neighbor
Thy Jewish Neighbor
Thy Transgender Neighbor
thy Christian Neighbor
Thy Atheist Neighbor
thy Racist Neighbor
Thy Addicted Neighbor

When I read this I thought, "Why would I limit myself to only loving those I had assigned a label to?    Isn't it more important to love thy neighbor despite their label?"

  I don't feel the need to point out how someone is different than me.  I just want to love them because they are!  I don't need to know why they are different than me or their past experiences.  I just need to love and respect them.   I recognize and am comfortable with my opinions about life but that doesn't dictate whether I love my neighbor or not.  

Years ago I served as a volunteer in a program that provided supervision to families who were in the social system for one reason or another.  I was responsible for the supervision of the parental/child  visitations of a family whose child had been taken away by the state of Colorado and placed in the custody of the paternal grandparents.  The mother was a borderline personality who had 3 other children, one of whom had been taken away from her and was firmly ensconced in the social system, falling between the cracks of that social system as they tried to put the best interests and safety of the child first.  A hard case for sure.  Each of the children had a different father.  The father of the little fellow I was in charge of was from a middle class family but had lost his way because of adolescent rebellion in my opinion.  He was in far over his head in a world he didn't understand but couldn't extricate himself from.  I was to be the one adult that the little one could count on, the face he would always see whenever an interaction outside of his custodial home life was required.  Whether parental visitations or court proceedings, he and I were an inseparable pair.

After a time the social worker asked if my family and I would be willing to role model how a healthy family functioned by having them come once a week for a family meal, teaching them how to prepare nutritious meals and shop economically, how to discipline positively and how to give medication appropriately.  For several weeks we did just that.  One of the visitations involved me taking the sweet little boy to the maternal grandparents home for an extended family birthday party. That's when the light went on for me.  No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many times I had them over to interact with my family it wasn't going to change a thing.  We were traveling along in the same world but in different realities.  That's when I discovered how important it was to be intentional about character, morals and integrity in my life.  The only way to give my children a healthy foundation was to establish the boundaries that would give them the best opportunity to succeed.

I loved that family I worked with.  I didn't understand them at all.  I loved that little boy.  I felt empathy for the father and the grandparents who were taking care of the little fellow. I cared about the mother and her family, I didn't understand them at all and knew I never would but they were likable and they were alive and I knew they needed my respect and caring despite what I thought of them.  And when we went to court that last time and the court granted custody back to the parents it was bittersweet.  The grandparents were angry and heartbroken because they didn't believe that the parents would be able to provide a long term healthy environment for their son.  I admit that I had my doubts too but it is what it is.  Several years later the social worker called me and asked me to serve in the same role for the same little fellow.  I just couldn't do it.  I had my own 3 teenagers by then and just didn't have the time or energy to do it.  Was I wrong?  I don't know but I do know that I felt a tremendous responsibility to the children that I had birthed.  I had to let someone else stand in for a sweet boy.  I have no idea how that case turned out but I will admit my heart breaks a little when I think of him.

You can see that when I say I don't need labels or pasts to love, it is from experience.  It took a lot of energy and time to learn this but I'm glad to have had the opportunity.  I wish there was a way to help people out of the whirlpools of labels and recognition of differences.  How will they ever reach their destiny if they allow themselves to be distracted by the minutia of life?